you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
