if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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