then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
