Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
