I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
