I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
