this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
