I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
