no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
