Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
