I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
