should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
