I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
