I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize