I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize