bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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