Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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