I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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