So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
