is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
