Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
