Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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