If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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