$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
