What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
