my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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