The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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