He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
