Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
