I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
