rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I believe in your delicious
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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