At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize