I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
