I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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