Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
