i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
