I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I deserve this hangover.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
