So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
