bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
