Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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