nutella sex= disaster
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
