im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
