maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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