I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
