Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
