I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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