i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
