i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
