AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
