i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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