well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
