Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
