I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
