Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize