I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
