batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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