get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize