You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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