Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
