yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
