Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
