I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
